elementals

one more dusty late afternoon ends the day
she can tell because the lights come on in the dayroom
and the yellow waxed tile shines like an old ladys teeth
through the smudged thick safety glass
everything looks fake damaged
and cut out of old newspaper

and that damn old man in tattered plaid is yelling at the ceiling fan again
his eyes always squeezed so tightly closed
to shut out the reality
or maybe to capture and retain
what little unsoiled life remains
to treasure and cherish
save it all for a better time
perhaps a rainy day
it seems so ironic to her
anyway

oh they never come to visit her anymore
everyone just pretends the street just ends
at least a mile away from the institute door
so she sits and acts like the elementals arent real
playing with her hair trying to conceal
the discomfort pain and phobias
she still feels


and now she raises her hand
and now the asshole teacher fucking ignores her again
and now the #2 lead digs a gray red groove into her skin

flashing lights honking horns sirens scream
isolation time again

the sleepy sweet smile that used to be her friend
is now just as unfriendly as his frozen hand
its the icy grip that rips her soul apart


narcotic dreams used to be
a quiet dark shack by the slow cool river bend
she felt secure behind a door locked by her and not by them
a place she could unwrap herself
and relax in her skin

but now terrible things happen when she closes her eyes
so she doesn't anymore
and when the white jackets appear at the crack of dawn
her cigarette drops its foot long ash
the glass of poison fractures
and it shatters as it falls to the ground

shes chained in matrimony to the grimy elementals
that line themselves along the wet black edges
of the slippery garden wall
even in the light of day they are always right there
see them fucking looking back
pointing back
taking their goddamn bloody pissy notes
stealing her innermost thoughts
laughing and writing them inscribing them
on the walls of their stoney cold caves
and on each other

at least the flies on the dayroom windowsill are dead
no more wondering if they'll be next
and the other flies dont give a shit
they just fly around until they get hit
like masses of stupid humans
following each other over the edge

little consolation she thinks but some consolation nonetheless
and with a silent curtain call the shadows blanket her
her eyes fight to adjust to the suffocating darkness
but pure black has no light to surrender
so she surrenders to the night
under duress

close your eyes

i took a drive along the beach last night
along the water's edge
i felt a little like the ocean waves
breaking against the sand
scatttering my thoughts upon the shoreline

i got out of my ride
and stood silently facing the sea
i let the water wash over my naked feet
closing my eyes I leaned back
and let the breeze
make me feel comfortably complete

i could feel my feet leave the sand
the wind swirled around me
spinning my head
my mind went blank
it felt like the angels found me

with my eyes still closed i could see
the life that had passed
and all remaining moments
that still awaited me

i grasped more enlightenment
and was much more cognisant
ten thousand percent

i was too afraid and yet far too happy
to open my eyes
i didnt want to leave this place
and fall out of the skies

terra firma holds no big surprise
like a dancer in disguise
same enticing moves
same mesmerizing thighs
just a losers compromise

so i decided to embrace my new found freedom
blind to the world but so wide-eyed to the abandon
enjoying every minute that i lived within
like a smooth crystal bubble
surrounding and
penetrating
my skin
holding me like a newborn babe

drifting up and over the cresting swells
the blue cool current guided me

I sailed playfully dragging my toes
through the bubbling and surging wavetops
of spray and foam
until i felt the heat of the sun again
as it tickled and warmed my skin

i knew i was finally home

i wont haunt you anymore

i see you walking
along the evening street
with a new love
so i wont haunt you anymore

the happiness in your eyes
every time you meet him
is pure love
so i wont haunt you anymore

youve moved on
and its been too many years
you deserve to live
and let me pass away
so i wont haunt you anymore


the chains that bind me
shouldnt bind you too
shouldnt bind you to me
or me to you

those whispers and shadows
that slide out of sight
when you glance behind you
the gentle caress on your cheek
while you sleep at night
will fade with the darkness
in the morning
and return no more

dont hold on to me
my darling
i need you to push me away
i need help to let you go
but i need you to love me forever
in your dreams
let me live forever in your heart
and memories


you have the power
please say the word so i will leave your life
but i will never leave your heart
i just wont haunt you anymore

keywest

don't walk you gotta run
pick up your feet
get outta there son

key west f-l-a
sounds like a plan
pack a few bags and drive it out
lets go get a tan
south on this highway
go baby go
who needs northern lights
and that goddamn cold
ice and snow

im ready for some cool ocean waves
kickin back on the sand in the shade

tippin back a few dozen
hangin with my squeeze
sweet lovin all night long
to caribbean tuneage
on the breeze

raise a toast
to getting away from it all
no worries no depression no ocd
nothing to hurt the brain
no ims emails texts
freakin cell phone calls

let the warm gulf wind melt the ice in your drink
chip and crack the frost from your bones
shake off that shit
that youve been carrying around
let someone else take it home

enjoy the calm
let the rest go

My 2¢: Apple

My 2¢:

Because I tend to side with the underdog, I've been an avid and vocal supporter of the Apple Computer corporation over the past 20+ years. Anything that had the Apple logo on it I was a fan of, and I suppose I even qualified as a "fanboy." As a professional creative I loved what the company stood for--Thinking Differently--and I lived for bucking the status quo (the PC-centric society).

But lately things have changed. Apple has become the King of the Hill, doing anything and everything to defend what they feel is their inherent "intellectual property" at all costs, in the computer, mobile, and music industries.

When Jobs died many of his personal perspectives and vendettas were published. That COMPLETELY changed my opinion about him, and Apple as a result. Up until that time I had a great deal of respect and admiration for the man, in both a personal and business sense. I would never have guessed that he harbored so much hatred for the competition, based on what he perceived as "stealing" from Apple. Because that hatred and outward display of disdain was for Google and was completely unprofessional, I can say it drove me even further into the Google camp, and drove the nail even further into the Apple coffin as far as I was concerned. It basically made me WANT to go out and buy non-Apple out of spite, and spite alone.

Since 1991 I have owned half a dozen Macs, multiple iPods and Shuffles, an iPad, and Apple hardware and software too numerous to list here. That being said, I now prefer Google and the Android OS to iOS, because of the openness of their platform, and because Apple has thrust them into the underdog role. I will continue to use my Mac because I choose the best tool for the job, and I believe in the computer industry Apple still reigns supreme. But for my mobile and music needs I will not patronize Apple, Inc.

It breaks my heart to relinquish what I used to old dear for Apple--my undying loyalty. But thanks to Jobs and his demeanor, his misguided obsession for industry domination at all costs, and his company's focus on a controlled walled-garden philosophy to force what they think is right for the user, regardless of what the users truly want, I am happily donning the uniform of the defender.

Apple has turned into what they were fighting against and never wanted to be in the first place. Big brother. As a result my faith and loyalty in Apple has been replaced with suspicion and a sense of betrayal.

I don't have blind faith or loyalty in Google, but that is a byproduct of what I lost thanks to the behemoth that Apple has become. Regardless of if it is just a result of experience or becoming further displaced from the naivety of youth, I have learned not to put all my apples in one basket.

T Conkle

say

if i knew just how to say
the words
that just can't escape
from my mouth
but they never
quite seem
to make it out

if i could only say
when im awake
what i sing
in my sleep
those happy melodies
might fill the air
and float to you
on the breeze

still silently frozen
on my cold numb lips
they lie
on deaf ears of the world
they fall

they dont paint a picture
they dont paint a scene
one thousand words
will never paint anything

not for me
and not for you
until i can find the words
nothing will come through...

electrical fantasies

pulsing power surges leave my internal generators
crackling outward from my metal fingertips
blooming blue arcs across the orbiting horizon

i have electrical fantasies
dreams of all humanity
the bubbling placid airwaves
bloated with elemental frequencies

i have electrical fantasies
of transmitting packet pings
transferring solid multimedia
from you to me

touch this
to be capacitatively incapacitated
scan here
to enter the machine
feel the virtual fingers of fate
grab your throat
technologically

be my digital virtuality
hold me by the link
stream our lives together
together we will always sync

leaving

we were so cool
for so many years
always together
sharing life
it was so nice
such a good time
never imagined
ever losing you

but things haven't heated up for us
theyve turned ice cold
and you wont
tell me why…


you wont tell me
youd rather not
youd rather
keep me wondering
keep me crying

now my empty years
are passing me
like cars on the highway
not a day goes by
without a dry eye

oh how i miss you
i miss your smile
i miss that glance
that pout that little sigh...


you wont tell me
youd rather not
youd rather
keep me wondering
keep me crying


you took that bus
the 163 at 7 that night
turning left heading out
going somewhere
outta sight
from here
from me
from us...

cafeteria

in the cafeteria
cold tile floors
and blank waxy stares
robotic mannequins
rotate behind the glass
hairnets grip their molded gray hair

freakin impenetrable carton of milk
cold dinner rolls
old cornchip pie
chili con carne
macaroni surprise
i was just a kid
but i was so ready to die

fiberglass trays made back in 1958
mangled metal forks and spoons
that look like something
the garabage disposal ate

punchcard lunchcard
money in my pocket
better spent at the candy store
on the way walking home

square dancing afternoons from hell
praying to the heavens above
for the 3:00 bell
don't pick me don't pick me
under my breath
it never helped

in the cafeteria
that unforgettable smell
hot steam and tunafish casserole
burned into my memory
and 40 years later
it still torments my soul

hair

you got some funny hair funny hair
growing out ya everywhere everywhere
holes and moles and derriere derriere
you no shave it you don't care you don't care
you're just a muss and people stare people stare
as you crawl by.

smashing

the quartertime beat
flows like cold gravy
across my neural activity
as i'm tripping down
iron-clad mental sidewalks
just wandering west


synapsing my electric aura
collapsing the eclectic flora
smashing the toes of those too close


six pale faces
stare out into mine
screaming streaming pixels
bytesize bits of fluid hues
fuzzy and pulsing
in a frosty wash
of blue-gray gruel

six times ten tense bony fingers
reaching and clutching
the dead empty air
weaving an invisible web
systematically slicing & dicing
the transparent squares

not attracted to illumination
nor prone to acidic disintegration
neither melting or cowering from a touch
yet embracing solitude
and self-annihilation


the left side turns down to the top
flip it over square it off and crop
smashing the toes of those too close