trials and spirits

keeping the boiling turmoil controlled
wrapped tightly in an angry ball
in the pit of my inner being it hisses
anxiety seeps
between the knots.

but the rolling mass does not escape
it remains within my grasp
locked inside a nervous embrace
pushed down
until it stops.

in the throes of death it lashes out
against psychological constraints
dwindling, whining as the fire grows cold
one last gasp
to influence my thoughts.

the ghost rises skyward out of sight
my spirit regains it's strength
i can once again control my fate
during the trials
and tribulations
of life.

optimist

the last place i would think of looking
is right where i always find
whatever im looking for

the last time i attempt something
is the time it always seems
i get it done

if i want sun it rains
if im sad everyone smiles at me
if i want to be alone
there's freakin people everywhere
if i want to sleep there's noise
pounding on my head around me
they don't give a crap
and i dont care

it makes me sick
the way people act
nice to your face
and then flip you off
when you turn your back

you can try all you want
to treat others
the way you want
to be treated
it might soothe your conscience
it might help you sleep at night
but as soon as you walk out the door
society will wrong your rights

the views of an optimist
all wrapped up
in a soggy paper wad of reality
dripping all over my shoes
falling apart through my fingers

my lofty ideals arent keeping me warm anymore
what once was fire-hot has burned out cold
i guess ive been slapped across the face
with the big hand of
"wake up smell the shit boy"

maybe someday things will turn around
then maybe people will learn
to appreciate each other again
until that day i will keep trudging on
keep washing the dirt
off what lies beyond
until either it or me is gone

Tell me

"Tell me the story
Tell me what you think
Tell me," she says.

I can't tell you what I'm thinking
That would reveal my heart.

I'm living in a dreamland
In my brain
Deep inside my brain.

If you want to open your mind
You have to close your eyes.

Close em up
Close em up tight
Shut in the darkness
Shut out the light
Embrace what you can't see
Don't put up a fight
Tell me you want to stay.

"Tell me the story
Tell me what you think
Tell me," she says.

If I told you what I'm thinking
It would tear my world apart.

I'm living in a dreamland
In my brain
Deep inside my brain.

If you want to open your mind
You have to close your eyes.

Close em up
Close em up tight
Shut in the darkness
Shut out the light
Embrace what you can't see
Don't put up a fight
Tell me you want to stay.

The End

Memories gather in the corners of your mind
Like wind-blown fall sidewalk leaves
A line of tomorrows coating them with frost
One by one,
Until the soft heavy snows of age all but buries them.
Forgotten until the gentle warm thaw
Inspires new memories to grow
From the frozen yesterdays.

Across the dark wood polished floor races the boy in stocking feet
Reaching for the curtains as he slides down the hall
Over the kitchen linoleum past the phone on the wall.

Glancing out the window it's raining outside but he smiles
An afternoon without a care or concern in the world
Except finding the name of the next-door neighbor girl.

Memories gather in the corners of your mind
Like wind-blown fall sidewalk leaves
A line of tomorrows coating them with frost
One by one,
Until the soft heavy snows of age all but buries them.
Forgotten until the gentle warm thaw
Inspires new memories to grow
From the frozen yesterdays.

Flying above the world way way high
Never looking down as he flies far away
Putting his life in a sack on his back
And flying away.

Gliding on the wind just above the trees
Just pedal power like riding his bike
No one to stop him no one to say,
"Come back down to earth you misfit castaway."

Sailing towards the sunset
Until the sun rises again
Pedaling towards his destination
Until he sees the end.

Nothing

Nothing's like the emptiness that lives within a discouraged soul
Turned away from the warmth of a smiling face
Pushed away from the inviting space
Of open arms.

Nothing's like the sadness that inspires tears on a summer afternoon
Burning inside to finally fall onto the grass below
When the others are laughing around
Smiles and fun.

It's tough to have to take a bitter pill
It's even harder when your throat is dry from screaming.

Encouraged to run
An enraged mindless race to the end
Friends are foes, your foes aren't friends
Look around you're all alone and cold as stone
You broke when you should have bent.

Nothing's like the bottomless pit you drop into without faith
Paper hands tear as you grasp for help
Falling towards your hell.

Nothing's like feeling nothing at all
Nothing to stimulate
Nothing to captivate
Nothing to rehabilitate

Nothing.

my woolen God

my woolen God
cracked button eyes
loose yarn arms
balled cotton batting
wet with pounds of tears
smashed worn flat
from all the years

off to class
with my woolen God
stuffed inside
my favorite plaid shirt
unzip the backpack
let it breathe
sharing space
with psychology

chem101
is done
for the day
on the bench
in the campus park
with the concrete cold
against my legs
cold as my sandwich & tea
but my woolen God
is warm
against me

evening falls
the sun is gone
after mac n cheese
watching reruns
and head to bed
turn out the bulb
my woolen God
shares my dreams

ten times

ten times today i stood back
and looked around expecting to find
a way to clear my mind

eleven times today i stood still
and listened for the whisper in my ear
telling me my mind was clear

twelve times tonight i took my time
standing on the side of the road looking back
trying to stay ahead of the pack

thirteen times tonight i took my place
standing on the side of the hill looking down
trying to stay above the climbing crowd

i can't count how many times
i've tried to back down
i've tried to back out
telling myself i could accomplish
something i couldn't
convincing myself of the things
i shouldn't
it's all good

some things that make me better
some things that won't
other things that keep me together
other things that don't
trying to feel myself again
is tough to do
when my hands are tied
to you
chains weigh me down
can't move

i can't count how many times
i've tried to back down
i've tried to back out
telling myself i could accomplish
something i couldn't
convincing myself of the things
i shouldn't
it's not so good

share each other

in my eyes you're an angel
couldn't get any more beautiful
around your head i see a halo
i can't wait to take your hand.

i can picture us together
on the beach one summer night
laughing as the stars are shining
slow dance with me on the sand.

we were made to share each other
til the end of life and beyond
making happy memories
til the dark of night is dawn
embrace the coming of a sunrise
until the light of day is gone...

save heaven for another lifetime
because we're living ours right here
take me to that place
that only you can
and i'll always be here at your side
i'll always be your man.

stranger things

stranger things have happened
stranger things have happened to me
stranger things have happened to you
it's true

better times have passed
better times have passed me by
better times have passed right by
my eyes

i've lived long enough to see
things i've wished i'd never seen
things i wish had never been
around for

i've lived long enough to do
things i've wished i'd never done
things i hope will never come
any more

when i look in your eyes
the clouds part
and my heart
knows joy again
a smile on my face
is in the place
of the sadness
that was there before

plant me

plant me in the ground
six feet deep
with a beer in my hand
and a rose in my teeth
stogie in my pocket
for the afterlife
got a plate of tacos
and a seat for my wife

i said don't leave it behind
i can deal with anything
but not that kind of thing
i'm sayin don't take it all away from me
cos livin after dyin is all i can deal with
livin after dying is all i can see

pleasure is so plain

catapult me into oblivion
i won't care as long as you are there
throw me headlong
into darkened skies
i dont care if you are there
when i open my eyes

pleasure is so plain blood has no stain
as i walk through the valleys of darkness
on my right are the huddled masses
on my left gather the humbled rich

here i stand trapped inside my eyes looking out
upon the city walk so gray and concrete
below my feet
far below my outstretched fingertips...

share my pain share the reality
i call my home i am alone
enter my world take a turn at the wheel

catapult me into oblivion
i won't care as long as you are there
throw me headlong
into darkened skies
i dont care if you are there
when i open my eyes

pleasure is so plain blood has no stain
as i walk through the valleys of darkness
on my right are the crumbled houses
on my left pile the slaughtered trees

the truth
can be spoken no more clearly
and it cuts like a razor
slicing thru cold flesh
when you're living a lie...
striking at the heart of the holy
piercing unholy thoughts
pinpoint cauterization
with surgical precision
vindicated elimination.